![]() ![]() “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.” - Fran Lebowitz My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” - Rodney Dangerfield “A boy can learn a lot from a dog - obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” - Robert Benchley “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” - James Thurber “Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.” - Jodi Picoult That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” - Joe Weinstein “My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. “It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.” - Jay London “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” -John Steinbeck ![]() “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ ” - Dave Barry They inspire me to get a dog!”- Greg Curtis ![]() “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” - Ann Landers “When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” - Kristan Higgins “In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” - Derek Bruce “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” - Rita Rudner “To his dog, every man is Napoleon hence the constant popularity of dogs.” - Aldous Huxley Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” - John Grogan “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” - Andy Rooney “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” - Bernard Williams He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” - Helen Thomson “A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. “Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.” - Sian Ford “A dog desires affection more than its dinner. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” - Sue Murphy Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. “I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!”- Jonah Goldberg “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” - Phil Pastoret I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” -Bonnie Schacter “I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.”- Christopher Morley They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” - Anne Tyler “Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” - Edward Hoagland “In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. ![]() “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog.” - Franklin P. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!”- George Carlin “The dog is a gentleman I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.” - Mark Twain “Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” - Steve Bluestone “If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” - Will Rogers Let’s kick off our list of funny dog quotes with ones from famous authors, comedians, actors and more. Sit back, relax and prepare to laugh with these 70+ funny dog quotes! Funny dog quotes Looking for funny dog quotes? Get ready – this collection of 70+ funny dog quotes and sayings is sure to tickle your funny bone.įrom musings on life with a dog to funny anecdotes to downright sassy sayings, we’ve rounded up the ultimate list. Home / Fun 70+ Funny Dog Quotes and Sayings Published: June 20th, 2018 Last updated: July 31st, 2021 by Jessi Larson ![]()
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